Paul's Instructions for Marriage

I'd like to start with a story I read this week.  A man got in car accident,
coma for 2 days. Opening his eyes, he saw that his wife was there.  In tears
he said, Dear, you always by my side through the years:

                 - "At University, failed again and again, you were right there"

                 - She squeezed his hand as he continued.

                 - "All those Job interviews I didn't get, you there clipping
    want ads"

                 - "Then got job with this firm, lost job because of mistake,
    you still here by my side encouraging me.

                Her eyes began to water as he continued.

                 - Then I finally landed this low paying job, but never got
    any promotion, never  recognized,and you stayed right by
    my side.

                 - Now I get in this accident, I wake up and you are right here.

                 - There is something I really want to say to you. . .

                 Sobbing, she threw her arms around him.

         He said, "Honey, I think you bring me bad luck!"
Marriage seems to be devalued these days.  
 Many don't understand it

Divorce statistics bear stark evidence of the toll on marriage in our day.
In this country in 1910, one out of 10 marriages ended in divorce.
By 1980,the figure had grown to one out of two. (62% Divorce in our
county;the national rate is 47.5%.)

     I believe marriage is the crown of God's creation, the final thing he did.  

 Paul, as a bachelor did something pretty gutsy and amazing.  He wrote
to the in his letter to the church in Ephesus instructions for marriage.
In a Greek culture that devalued the family unit and focused instead on
pleasure,Paul’s instructions were pretty revolutionary, and I don’t know
that our society is very far behind that of the Greeks. Therefore, there
is good reason to look at what Paul has to say.  Many pastors jump in at
verse 22 of the fifth chapter,but I think we need to begin in the
previous verse. 

5:21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Now one of the biggest stumbling blocks in this passage, especially among women is the subject of submission. In the previous four and a half chapters, Paul has laid out basic instructions for being believers in community. He culminates in this command: submit to one another. If we are talking about two Christians, seeking to live in a Christian marriage, then both the man and woman should already be in submission to each other. Amen?

Now the next few verses are addressed to the wives, so women, listen up. Oh, and husbands, no elbowing your wife. 22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. The context for the proper relationship comes from the creation story in Genesis. When God made Eve, he didn’t take the bone from Adam’s head, that Eve should be over him; nor did he take a bone from his foot, that she would be under him. Rather, God took the bone from Adam’s side, that the couple would walk side-by-side, supporting one another. Women, it is within this context that Paul says, “submit as to the Lord.” This isn’t addressed to the husband, for it up to the wife to submit of her own will; because of your love for each other, you willingly yield to him. This is not a blanket command to not think for your self. Rather, as a couple, you need to talk about areas of contention and work them out in submission to each other. When you find that no compromise can be reached, then the wife is commanded here to submit, not by force but out of love. And the husband, as the head of the household, will answer to God for that decision.

OK, the majority of the rest of this passage is for the husband, so listen up, guys and wives, no elbowing your spouse. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. Wow! Love your wife as Christ loved the Church. How much does Christ love the church? So much that he died for us. In the same way, the husband is called to sacrifice himself for the sake of his wife. (Now the submission thing sounds pretty easy—if the wife is in submission and the husband is sacrificing self for her, there should be very little reason for serious disagreements.) Don’t fight, just have intense fellowship.

Then it starts talking about washing with water and stains and wrinkles. What does this have to do with marriage? As the head of the household, the husband is responsible for setting the spiritual atmosphere of the home. If you as the head of the house are in the word, then you are better able to help the rest of your family remain holy and blameless before God. As was already pointed out to the women, the husband will answer to God for what he allows to happen within his home. Now if setting a good spiritual atmosphere will help the home, the opposite is also true. Why do you think our enemy tries so hard to keep us out of our Bible, out of prayer, and out of fellowship with other believers?

28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—30 for we are members of his body. Love your wife like you love yourself; care for her. This works on three levels: the first is physical, like providing food, clothing, a house, etc. Second, we can see this as mental and relational, i.e., we encourage our spouse, take the time to build the relationship. Guys, we sometimes need to take time out of what we want to do and be willing to sit down and talk to our spouse. Women and men are wired differently. Women tend to want to sit down and talk things through and men tend to want to be doing something. Relationship takes time and effort, and it is worth every second we put in! Finally, we need to support our spouse emotionally. One thing that I always encourage couples to do is to date. Michelle may be my wife, but she’s also my girlfriend. If I don’t continue to pursue her, then I am allowing myself to grow complacent in the relationship.

31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32 This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church. Here Paul states one of the deepest mysteries that surround marriage. When a couple becomes united in marriage, they are joined as one flesh. This isn’t a very clear statement, but I don’t know how to put it any better. There is a joining that occurs at the deepest level of both persons. Paul, having never experienced this, quickly steps away from the subject by turning the focus back to Christ and the church.

Paul concludes this passage with a final word to husbands and wives. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Husbands, love your wife as yourself. This is repeated here, because it sums up all of the other commands Paul gave. Then he says, Wives, show your husband respect. Again, this is a repetition of what has come before, but it summarizes what Paul has already said.

I know that this was more of a teaching sermon than a preaching sermon, but there is a genuine need for more Christian teaching about how marriage is supposed to work. You see, we have the promise of scripture that God’s word will not return void, but it will bear fruit in the lives of those who hear it. In this case, I pray that you will be encouraged in your relationships.